Cherry Blossoms and Butterflies
by Meredith T. Tasaki
Summary: Because we need more Hotaru fics... This dubbie's view of post-Sailor Moon Stars. Some things are hard to forgive... Like being betrayed by people you thought you knew...


Cherry Blossoms and Butterflies

Author's Note: I have never watched the non-dubbed anime, so if I make any mistakes, just say it's an alternate universe fic. ^^ Also, I don't own Sailor Moon. Set right after the end of the series.

~*~

It's very peaceful here...

This park has always been a wonderful place, especially during Cherry Blossom season. And there's a certain Japanese Maple tree that is in a meadow, secluded. I always feel that I am the only one who knows about this place, the only one who has seen this view of the lake.

And who knows? Maybe I am.

~

"Hotaru, what the heck is this sixty?!" Haruka yells, holding out my History quiz.

"Haruka-papa, I was not able to study. I was too busy saving the universe with you."

"But still, Hotaru, I've seen you ace a twelfth-grade quiz without blinking!"

"I don't want to talk about it." I race up to my room, my sanctuary.

She seems to care. I don't think she honestly knows what's wrong. Maybe she's forgotten. Maybe she thinks I have. 

I keep thinking that Haruka-papa and Micheru-mama meant well, but I still cannot get it out of my mind--their accepting the bracelets. Becoming soldiers of evil, whether they were pretending or not.

I keep telling myself that it was nothing, life's the same now, nothing has changed...

But I died that day...And Setsuna-mama too...And normally I would have no problem with that...It happens all the time...

But how do I forgive them for killing me?...

~

We step off of the bus.

"Whoo-hoo, Lake Joaquin, here we come!" Usagi and Chibi-Usa-chan yell in unison.

It's always struck me about them...They are so alike...I almost feel I know Usagi-san.

Soon, we are all off of the bus--Ami, Rei, Makoto, Minako, Setsuna, Mamoru, Haruka, and Micheru. We scatter in different directions. Makoto, Minako, and Chibi-Usa say they are going boy-watching. Rei wants to sunbathe. Ami wants to read the books that are in the lobby about the discovery of this lake and the formation of the little town around it. Usagi and Mamoru are going to the beach. 

Setsuna-mama looks a bit awkward as she watches Haruka and Micheru, who are going to the beach as well. I cannot help wondering--is she thinking what I am thinking? We have always been somewhat alike.

I decide to go through the boardwalk; I am not quite in the mood for bright light right now. I smile at the concession stands that all seem so familiar somehow. I can imagine winning a Sailor V doll at that place, buying a hotdog over there...

Why is this all so familiar?

I turn a corner. There, in the middle of a cracked street, is an tree. That's strange--how could a tree grow there? As I walk around it, I see a message painted on the wall.

"This tree has forced its way up through this old street to flourish. Like this tree, we hope that we, too, will grow where we are planted. The Lake Joaquin Soup Kitchen has been founded here, and here forever may it remain."

I sit under the tree, feeling an odd sense of deja vu, of faint whispers of memories fully arising. I look at the tree's bark. Several names have been carved there, each telling a story. And wait, is that--

"Hotaru and Papa."

It's my name, written in a childish hand. But it's familiar, as if I wrote it long ago...

I think I did.

"Papa..." The words echo in my mind. Surely not Haruka. Then who...

I call to mind my old memories of childhood, discarding the ones with a set of rings in the sky or Haruka and Micheru by my side. Wasn't there one more, the one I came to myself to remember?...

Sailor Saturn gave me my memories back, but so many of them still have not surfaced...

"Papa..." This time, instead of Haruka, the word brings to mind a white-haired man smiling at me.

I have so much yet to remember...

I slowly get up and leave, to join Chibi-Usa.

~

It is confusing having three different childhoods.

Haruka and Micheru evidently do suspect something. They have taken out a photo album, filled with pictures of me, with them.

"And Hotaru, remember the time we were picking strawberries and a wasp came up and stung Haruka right in the--"

"Micheru, please!" Haruka coughs.

"--Butt," I finish. "Yes, I remember."

"She was whining for days!!" Micheru-mama can barely hold her laughter. Finally, we all are laughing.

Are these really the people I cannot trust anymore?

In addition to having three childhoods, must I also have two sets of *them*?

~

There is a chill in the air as I walk home from school, unusual for this time of year. Knowing that Haruka and Micheru are at a race and that I have all of the time I want, I decide to take the long route home.

I pass by a large mansion and stop. A deja vu feeling hits me again, and I see this house, except with a better coat of paint. 

A white-haired man steps out of the house and closes the door behind him. He looks lonely, and a word races through my mind.

*Papa...*

Suddenly, what little memory I have clicks. 

"Papa?" I call out to the lost-looking man.

He looks up, unbelieving. "Hotaru?"

It is true. I run to him, millions of memories flooding back. "Papa!"

"Hotaru!" He catches me up in his arms. "I can't believe it! It really is you!"

"I know, Papa!" I cry. "I missed you so much!!"

And it is true. I have been missing someone, but I never truly knew who it was until now.

"Oh, Hotaru, I can't believe you're finally home..."

~

I really should tell them.

I met Papa a week ago, and I am moving in with him. Oh, I am so happy! To finally be in a house where there is someone I can trust!

I jerk out of my reverie. Something is wrong.

"Hotaru-chan..." Haruka says. "You remember your father, right?"

I nod, fearful of what is to come.

"Well, some moron decided to go out to a bar and get drunk, and then use his car and scare the pigeons on the sidewalk..." Haruka trails off, looking desperately at Micheru for help.

"You don't have to finish," I interrupt quietly.

They look at me, stunned.

"I am not stupid. I can figure out what you are saying. And also, am I not the soldier of death? Do I not know all about it?"

"Hotaru--"

"You of all people seem to know that quite well," I continued. "But what you do not understand--will never understand--is that death in itself is not evil. It is a product of evil, yes, but it can be the greatest blessing on earth for those who have put their faith in the right place. And that place is not in racing. It is echoed in the songs of the violin, but it is not that, either. It is larger than that. It is He that created all, and his Son. It is for this faith that death is allowed to exist.

"You will never understand that death is not as horrible as it seems, even as the dead Silver Millennium slowly begins to rise in greater glory from its ashes. You will never fully realize that death and life, at least in this temporary shadowland, are linked hand and hand, as are the light and the dark. You will never understand that the dark has to be for the light to shine through. And you will never understand that whenever, whoever I am, I am still myself. And you will never, never understand why I am happy for him."

I slip to my room to cry.

~

It is quiet underneath this maple, looking out at life. The lake glistens as usual. Nothing has changed.

Have I?...

I close my eyes and lean against the cool bark, feeling a cherry blossom carried by the wind brush against my face. I slip into a dream.

I see the thin band of rings in the sky and know that I am at my home planet. My own voice calls out to me. 

'Hotaru, when you were a toddler here, you were always Sailor Saturn and Hotaru Tomoe. When you were a toddler on earth, you were still soldier and princess of Saturn. When you are Sailor Saturn, you are always Hotaru, princess and girl. Nothing will change that.'

'Yes. I know.'

'Then it is time to reclaim your power, Hotaru, your power and your station. But always remember that you are yourself...'

'Yes.'

"Eternal...Saturn...Crystal...appear!" I call.

And in a purple flash, the crystal that is mine appears. I, Hotaru, queen of the planet Saturn, cup it in my hands. 

As Setsuna-mama guards the gates of time, so am I charged to protect life and death, until the world is born anew. 

Setsuna appears. "Queen Saturn..." 

"Please, Setsuna-mama, let's forget the formalities," I say.

Her eyes widen, surprised. She smiles. "Well then, Hotaru-chan, it is time for the two Guardians to appear at the Silver Millennium."

"Oh, really? Strange, I could've sworn there were a couple centuries left..." I say.

"Okay, so I tweaked it around a little bit!" Setsuna-mama grins. Funny how she never shows this side to anyone else. I suppose she only can because we're so alike.

"Setsuna-mama...Will you forgive them?"

She knows exactly what I'm talking about, of course. Still, she thinks a moment before replying.

"Well...I'll never be their friends, but then again, I never truly was...But what's the point of not forgiving them? It could only hurt us."

"Yes..." I remember Papa's last words to me, before I left for home that fateful day. "Goodbye, Hotaru-chan, and remember, no matter what happens, I am always here with you. You'll always have me."

The message of it hits a moment after the bitter irony. No matter, no matter what. 

*Daddy, I understand. And daddy...I'll see you later...*

Setsuna nods. "Yes."

~

A blinding light from the Silver crystal. A trillion people are released and gasp in awe at the light that brought them freedom from the darkness that had literally held them for a hundred years.

Mamoru stands, slightly worried, though trying to hide it. Knowing the future doesn't always help.

The light spreads. A city is born, springing from the old Tokyo, now ravaged. The city we all know as Crystal Tokyo springs into existence.

All the queens of all the planets stand with Serenity in the middle. As the world watches, only beginning to understand, Ami opens her mouth.

"I, Queen of Mercury and Soldier of water, pledge allegiance to the Neo-Silver Millennium."

"I, Queen of Mars and Soldier of fire, pledge allegiance to the Neo-Silver Millennium."

One by one, the new queens of all of the planets pledge allegiance to Serenity.

"Then I, Serenity, Queen of the Moon, pronounce this the new Silver Millennium. May peace spread to all of the planets." 

Yes, I hope it does.

An arc of energy butterflies sails across the sky, reminding me of Saturn. 

And so it begins. It is the new Silver Millennium. May God bless it. And may God help us all.

~*~


End file.
